It’s Been A Long Time Coming

Hey! I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted on here & I’m pretty sure I promised to get back into blogging & I didn’t keep it. Life has had a lot of twists and turns for me this year & I do plan on sharing a bit more with you all as soon as I possibly can. One thing I do want to mention is that I have a YouTube channel! I’m really happy with how everything is coming along so far. I’m getting better at editing with each video and it’s allowing me to learn more about myself & what I like. I hope you do check it out here & let me know what you think! I’m excited to start sharing my thoughts on here again! 
Peace & Positivity,

Chazmyane

Hopeful Romantic. 

It seems that I always find myself being stuck in a situation with a person. It’s not that I don’t know how to let go because trust me, I do but I just find myself holding on to a situation longer than I should. I’m a very optimistic person, or at least I try to be for the most part, and I always think that somehow someway, the situation will come to be in my favor & I will be in my happily ever after. To be honest, I really need to get my head out of the clouds and bring myself back to reality. It’s not that I shouldn’t be hopeful but I need to be able to decipher when to keep trying and when to move on. Only then will I be able to prevent uneccessary unhappiness in the future. 

However, on a more positive note, I have exciting & new things happening in my life at the moment. I’ll do a post about that sometime this week (if I don’t get to it today). I know I’ve been away for awhile now but I just needed time to grow & regain clarity on my life. I’m more focused & align now so I’m going to try to post as much as I possibly can. I hope you check back in! 
Peace & Positivity, 

Chazmyane  

Update: Life’s A Battlefield 

I’ve been completely absent from my blog for a few months now & I’ve completely missed the therapy of it all. Lately, I’ve been battling a lot of things within myself such as self doubt, doused with some depression & laziness. Right now, I’m not in one of the best places mentally or emotionally; it has been a long roller coaster ride to say the least. That’s truly allowed me to lose motivation for a lot of things that I have going on in life right now. However, I am determined to push through this & get going on & back focused on myself & the things that I love the most. From this whole experience I have learned a lot about myself. I’ve noticed that my thought process on certain situations is terribly flawed; I definitely think or expect the worst rather than the best from people which has definitely allowed that to come into fruition. So I need to really rearrange my thought pattern to a more positive direction. Positivity breeds more positivity, remember that. 

To be completely honest, I need a change in my environment, mentally & physically, & to grow closer in my relationship with God. Whenever I read scripture, meditate, or just simply pray it truly helps & uplift me. Being consistent with my faith is what is going to get me out of this slump I’m currently in. Now, I don’t care what religion you believe or don’t believe in but I think everyone should have something/someone to look to for spirituality. It helps to keep everything else balanced. 

I really don’t know what else to say so I’ll just abruptly end it here. I hope you guys are having a wonderful day. Oh yeah, today is my last day of work before I have like an entire week off! I’m so excited to say the least, it is very much needed.
Peace & Positivity,

Chazmyane

Body Confidence, Loving Imperfections.

Hello wonderful people! I’m in an absolutely amazing mood right now. Wanna know why? I put on a two piece bathing suit & felt beautiful. 

Growing up, I wasn’t too confident about my body. I was an early bloomer, so  my body started filling out before I even hit high school. To top it off, I was tall for my age so getting hit on by older guys was a norm for me (sometimes it would actually be a bit scary & intimidating tbh). However, people ,including family, would comment negatively on the way I looked. ‘Oh, you’re so big’, ‘oh my, you have stretch marks’, ‘you need to lose weight’ were some of the remarks I would get from people. Although I was flooded with countless positives about me being pretty or that I was very intelligent, to me, the negative completely outweighed them. To make matters worse, I was involved with a guy at one point who didn’t treat me very well & would say some of the most horrible things to me. 

Looking at me, you probably couldn’t tell that I was struggling within myself because I hid it so well. I always tried to keep a smile on my face or I just wouldn’t really talk at all. During high school, especially earlier on, I barely said a word to people. I didn’t value my own self or who I was as a person so I didn’t try to open up or talk to people. I had my few friends that I trusted & that’s it. 

Those were the people who really helped me out & somehow convinced me to really look at myself & value who I was because I truly have something to offer to the world.  Then I became a YouTube junkie & really developed my love & admiration for the fashion & beauty industry. Putting together the perfect outfit & making it my own really boosted my confidence. Knowing that I loved what I saw when I looked in the mirror made me want to love everything I was as a person. This is one of the many reasons I’m working towards being a designer; I want to continuously recreate that confident, creative aurora. My confidence transformation didn’t happen overnight but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I think that whole experience taught me to value others based on more than their outside appearances & look at them completely; it truly humbles you to be honest. 

I know I’ve been babbling a little but I just want to let anyone out there that may be struggling with this, you are beautiful & created amazingly & uniquely. Nothing that anyone says should affect the way you view yourself, you are who you are with all your quirks & imperfections. I love you, & you should love you as well. 

Oh yeah, here’s the big reveal I bet you’ve been waiting for.
   
  (The pool was closed sadly, so none of the photography left the bathroom lol) 
(I was out in Costa Rica in this)

I hope you found this enjoyable!

Peace, Love, & Positivity,

Chazmyane

Dealing with Disappointments. 

For the past month, I’ve dealt with a sad, & abrupt breakup. Yes, I am now a single woman & to be honest it’s very bittersweet. It was very disappointing in the way it was all handled because I did not receive the proper closure I deserved. It was as if I suddenly didn’t matter to him any longer & he could care less about how I felt. So at first, I took it pretty hard. I’m not ashamed to say I cried at night & even during the day. I was in a very emotional & fragile state & to make matters worst I couldn’t figure out what exactly went wrong. I did have high hopes for our relationship because to me, he just seemed very different from the rest which lies in the amount of disappointment I felt. I see now that although he may have appeared to be different, his intentions as far as his relationship with me was the same as the others…to be temporary. However, I do not regret anything that happened. It all just made me an even stronger & resilient individual. I learned a lot from this situation & I know one day God will provide me with a man that will love & cherish the woman that I am & am becoming. Until that day comes, success, achieving my goals, bettering my mind, spirit, & body, & being happy will be at the forefront of my life. No time for others & that extra baggage! To any young ladies that may be reading my post, just remember you’ll never be good enough for the wrong person & pain is only temporary. You are strong & have the ability to do great things. Never fret in rough times, just give it to GOD (or your higher power), & keep pushin’. Things will get better, I promise. 
Peace, Love, & Positivity,

Chazmyane

Vogue.

Happy Sunday everyone! I hope you haven’t missed me too much on here. Today, a customer came into the department store where I work & gave me the greatest compliment on the planet! She said “You look like you stepped right out of Vogue.” I mean I absolutely loved this compliment & she said it more than once so I was definitely feeling myself afterwards to say the least. When I was younger I did dream of being a model one day but I never really thought it would happen because of my size. I mean I do not really think I would fit in the plus size category but I’m not a typical model size either; I’m like the ‘inbetween body’ per se. However, her compliment & previous comments from others has got me back to thinking about modeling & I decided to do an impromptu photo shoot using my IPhone. I haven’t edited or made any changes to the photos. Here are the outfit details….

  1. Blazer- Forever 21
  2. Black top- JC Penny
  3. Skirt- Ross

      
I hope you guys enjoyed this post. I would love it if you left feedback & your thoughts 🙂 
Peace & Positivity,

Chazmyane

Take Control. 

I have really been thinking a lot about my life lately & I’m truly not satisfied. Although I have some great people surrounding me & a wonderful boyfriend in my corner, I’m not truly my happiest because I’m not completely happy within myself. I’m still young & have a lot of life ahead of me & things to learn so I know that everything will come together in due time. I have decided to make a few changes though, as I believe these will be very beneficial for me. 

First, I am going on a natural hair journey. Technically, I have been “natural” since my sophomore year of high school but  I constantly wore weaves/braids & I didn’t take care of my hair properly. Therefore, I’m deciding to really give this a go & work on making my hair healthier. Additionally, I’m deciding to eat better & exercise more. I remember being more active & eating better foods while in high school. I even worked out at LA Fitness for awhile & that actually made me feel better at the time. Since I graduated, it seems as though working & going to school has taken over most of my time & I just seem more tired & worn out. However, I am going to make these changes because they will help me out more in long term anyhow. 

I know I can’t make any drastic changes overnight as that leads to failure but I’m hoping to gradually incorporate cooking my meals, working out, and taking time out for my hair into my daily routines. I’m truly looking forward to the things to come! 

Peace & Positivity, 

Chazmyane