Body Confidence, Loving Imperfections.

Hello wonderful people! I’m in an absolutely amazing mood right now. Wanna know why? I put on a two piece bathing suit & felt beautiful. 

Growing up, I wasn’t too confident about my body. I was an early bloomer, so  my body started filling out before I even hit high school. To top it off, I was tall for my age so getting hit on by older guys was a norm for me (sometimes it would actually be a bit scary & intimidating tbh). However, people ,including family, would comment negatively on the way I looked. ‘Oh, you’re so big’, ‘oh my, you have stretch marks’, ‘you need to lose weight’ were some of the remarks I would get from people. Although I was flooded with countless positives about me being pretty or that I was very intelligent, to me, the negative completely outweighed them. To make matters worse, I was involved with a guy at one point who didn’t treat me very well & would say some of the most horrible things to me. 

Looking at me, you probably couldn’t tell that I was struggling within myself because I hid it so well. I always tried to keep a smile on my face or I just wouldn’t really talk at all. During high school, especially earlier on, I barely said a word to people. I didn’t value my own self or who I was as a person so I didn’t try to open up or talk to people. I had my few friends that I trusted & that’s it. 

Those were the people who really helped me out & somehow convinced me to really look at myself & value who I was because I truly have something to offer to the world.  Then I became a YouTube junkie & really developed my love & admiration for the fashion & beauty industry. Putting together the perfect outfit & making it my own really boosted my confidence. Knowing that I loved what I saw when I looked in the mirror made me want to love everything I was as a person. This is one of the many reasons I’m working towards being a designer; I want to continuously recreate that confident, creative aurora. My confidence transformation didn’t happen overnight but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I think that whole experience taught me to value others based on more than their outside appearances & look at them completely; it truly humbles you to be honest. 

I know I’ve been babbling a little but I just want to let anyone out there that may be struggling with this, you are beautiful & created amazingly & uniquely. Nothing that anyone says should affect the way you view yourself, you are who you are with all your quirks & imperfections. I love you, & you should love you as well. 

Oh yeah, here’s the big reveal I bet you’ve been waiting for.
   
  (The pool was closed sadly, so none of the photography left the bathroom lol) 
(I was out in Costa Rica in this)

I hope you found this enjoyable!

Peace, Love, & Positivity,

Chazmyane

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Dealing with Disappointments. 

For the past month, I’ve dealt with a sad, & abrupt breakup. Yes, I am now a single woman & to be honest it’s very bittersweet. It was very disappointing in the way it was all handled because I did not receive the proper closure I deserved. It was as if I suddenly didn’t matter to him any longer & he could care less about how I felt. So at first, I took it pretty hard. I’m not ashamed to say I cried at night & even during the day. I was in a very emotional & fragile state & to make matters worst I couldn’t figure out what exactly went wrong. I did have high hopes for our relationship because to me, he just seemed very different from the rest which lies in the amount of disappointment I felt. I see now that although he may have appeared to be different, his intentions as far as his relationship with me was the same as the others…to be temporary. However, I do not regret anything that happened. It all just made me an even stronger & resilient individual. I learned a lot from this situation & I know one day God will provide me with a man that will love & cherish the woman that I am & am becoming. Until that day comes, success, achieving my goals, bettering my mind, spirit, & body, & being happy will be at the forefront of my life. No time for others & that extra baggage! To any young ladies that may be reading my post, just remember you’ll never be good enough for the wrong person & pain is only temporary. You are strong & have the ability to do great things. Never fret in rough times, just give it to GOD (or your higher power), & keep pushin’. Things will get better, I promise. 
Peace, Love, & Positivity,

Chazmyane